Introduction

So we'll assume you've read the articles on How Not to Argue, and Why to Evangelize.

This article will give you more specifics on solid ways to engage theists in a constructive manner that will be likely to produce results.

Convey the Proper Attitude

Above all else, you want everything you say to be delivered in a positive manner. Many times you are going to be criticizing someone else's beliefs, but you need to learn how to do that in a constructive and friendly manner, rather than in a belittling or condescending manner. Only if you can achieve this goal will a theist listen to anything you have to say. As soon as they sense any sort of threat (whether real or imagined), they are going to shut you out mentally.

In any conversation about religion, poise and delivery are absolutely key. If you are an emotional or hot-headed person by nature, you will have to work on that. The more animated or hot you get, the more likely you are to cause the religious defense mechanisms to kick in, preventing you from getting through.

Remain calm and detached at all times. Whenever possible, keep it light and sound happy! Learn to talk clearly and at a steady pace. You don't want to talk too slow for fear of putting people to sleep. However, talk too fast and your reasoning will sound jumbled or incomprehensible to listeners. You may have to gauge the reactions of your audience, which is easier to do with smaller audiences. (This is public speaking 101. The best public speakers have learned to control their tempo to a point that could almost seem painful, but it will cause the most positive reaction in an audience. In fact, many public speaking principles could be applied here; you may want to consider learning some of them either from online sources or in a formal class.)

If things aren't going your way in a discussion or debate, don't get exasperated. Especially if you are addressing a group of theists, it is important to keep your cool. Remember that many already see you as something akin to the devil. It is utterly important that you come across as calm and reasoned at all times, or they may simply take it as confirmation of their worst fears.

Positive traits to exude:

• approachable, cordial, friendly, gracious
• open, hospitable, sociable, outgoing
• funny, humorous, jolly, jovial, merry
• familiar, neighborly, intimate, affectionate, devoted, warmhearted, loving

Negative traits to avoid:

• antagonistic, hostile, unfriendly
• cold, aloof, condescending
• bellicose, belligerent, contentious, quarrelsome

Discussion Forums

There are many different ways to have discussions, and your tactics will be different depending on the forum. You may be in a one-on-one discussion, a group discussion, a speech being delivered to audiences of varying sizes, a debate in a hall, or a debate on TV or radio. All of these forums have their own demands, advantages and pitfalls.

Early on in your "evangelistic journey", you are more likely to be discussing individuals or small groups. It probably makes sense to concentrate on these types of interactions until you are more comfortable and experienced in the types of questions you will be likely to be asked, and you gain the confidence needed to move up to larger forums.

Communicating One-on-One or in Small Groups

One-on-one discussions will often be the most fruitful. When you have a one-on-one discussion, it can be a much more personal discussion, and can be much less adversarial. By contrast, if you are debating a theist in front of a bunch of other theists, they will tend to be far more defensive for fear of not wanting to seem "weak" in front of their peers. In a debate, it is usually expected that there will be a winner and a loser. A friendly discussion does not (and should not) have this expectation.

Unfortunately, one-on-one discussions are also the least efficient, because you are reaching only one person at a time. We'll need to have four billion conversations to get to all the theists in this manner. That's a lot of conversations! This does not mean you should avoid one-on-one's, but it does mean you will want to pick your battles.

In particular, recognize when a conversation is going nowhere, and cut yourself loose. Once you've stated your case and conveyed the basic ideas you want to get across, move on. Don't spend hours debating a theist unless you feel you are really making progress, and they are honestly curious. Too often you will find that they are just trying to convert you, and thus you are both wasting your time. With a little experience, you'll be able to differentiate an honest discussion from a conversion attempt.

Communicating Online vs. In-person

Communicating with theists in person is a far better way to get your message across, and gives you a much better opportunity to put a positive face on atheism.

Online communications are not impossible, and can be a good training exercise; however, they have several fundamental flaws that make them a very poor method for communicating with theists.

• It is difficult to properly convey emotion online, and it is too easy for someone to misread emotion. Jokes may get taken seriously, honest comments may be seen as sarcasm, anger may be inferred when none is present.
• It is too easy to demonize the person on the other end of the communication. It's easy for a theist to imagine you as the angry atheist, with horns coming out of your head and satanic music playing in the background. This misperception does not play in your favor.
• It is too easy (for both parties) to be unreasonable when the conversation is anonymous. There are things you would never do or say in a face-to-face conversation that are easy to do in an anonymous forum. I always try to keep this in mind in any of my writings: "Would I say this to another human if they were sitting across the table from me right now?" Maybe I would, but I might say it differently. If so, I find a different way to say it.

This doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards to be politically correct. In fact, I think this is done far too much where religion is involved, and it is counter-productive. Sometimes I think the truth needs to hurt a little. Just be aware of the words you are using, and the way you are phrasing your ideas.

The Importance of Appearance

Many atheists and "freethinkers" like to demonstrate their individuality, and one common and straightforward way to do this is via your personal appearance.

I understand this desire to set yourself apart from the crowd, and I have no problem with anyone adorning themselves in whatever manner they feel best expresses their personality.

But, you need to be cognizant of how you will be perceived by others, especially if you wish to have a meaningful discourse with somebody.

If you approach somebody, and you have wild, long hair with purple streaks, nose and eyebrow piercings, jeans with a big tear in the butt, and a dirty t-shirt that says, "God is a joke", don't expect to be taken seriously or have anything you say have a positive effect on a theist. Feel free to dress like this when you go to a meeting of atheists, or pretty much any other time. But if your goal is to present a positive face of atheism, don't start by playing into the theist's stereotype of the angry, god-hating atheist.

Think of it this way: Which of the following groups of people would you be more likely to take serious advice from regarding something that is the most important thing in your life?

Whose advice would you trust more?

You don't need to wear a suit or your finest dress. Just something that is clean and looks presentable. Again, don't use this opportunity to go overboard in displaying your uniqueness. You can dress in a way that expresses some uniqueness, while still appearing clean-cut.

Some recommendations that may be obvious: Pay attention to basic personal hygiene. Comb your hair, shave your face (guys) or wear makeup (girls). Wear deodorant.

Positive and Negative Symbols

Any symbols, signs, or jewelry that you choose to wear should be seen as either positive or neutral by theists.

Avoid negative images. For example, many atheists find it humorous to use images of fire or devils, making fun of the fact that many theists think we are headed straight to hell. And while other atheists will get the joke, theists will only see it as confirming their bigoted notions.

Why Conform?

Many atheists balk at this concept of having to monitor what they are saying, or restricting the manner in which they dress and present themselves. They see it as unnecessary conformity, or going out of their way to be seen as "acceptable".

But remember what your goals are. You should be trying to get across the ideals of atheism and atheistic evangelism. Anything that interferes with your ability to deliver that message is a hindrance. In this instance, you need to put the needs of the cause above your own needs to express your individuality. You want to be accepted. You want to conform. This is how the game is played in our society, for better or for worse. This is one instance where it suits our needs to play the game by conforming to expected norms.

Think of it as "picking your battles". Sure, you could dress all crazy and say all sorts of crazy things without any concern for your perception. If you do, you can expect to make absolutely no headway in your discussions with theists. If your goal is simply to express your individuality, all other goals be damned, then by all means, go ahead. But if your goal is really to make an improvement in the way that people understand and perceive atheism, then you need to try to meet them halfway, at least for the purpose of discussion.

At the end of the day, you can go home and change into your "normal" look when you resume the rest of your life. Then go talk to your atheist friends and tell us all the crazy stories of discussions you had with theists, without having to watch what you are saying.